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OK, So the Rodeo is finally over. Thank the Lord. It’s long days for us.  I work 7am till 3, then have to be there till midnight.  11am to midnights on Saturdays and I worked 11-3 a couple of Sundays.  On your feet nearly the whole time.  It sucks but I’m a Ho for the Dough Fo’ Sho’!

For my out of state friends that have never experience the San Antonio Stock Show and Rodeo, it’s a 16 days long carnival and stock show. Farmers and Ranchers from all over the county come to show their livestock. There are something like 30 barns of animals on the grounds. They have Auctions, events, tents of displays like trucks, tractors, trailor, etc.,  a Rodeo event every night with bull riding, barrel racing and all that jazz. There is a huge Carnival, 2 HUGE arenas that are filled simply with shit to buy, and every single night a famous musician has a concert (2 on weekends). It’s a big deal and people come from all over the world for this thing (I met a couple from London that came just for this.)

So I’ve been working the traffic around the AT&T center all rodeo, and I can tell you that it seams that they really ramp up the output of Stupid during Rodeo season. You usually have a bunch of people that drive around with there heads up their asses at events anyway, but they turn stupid into an artform during Rodeo.  So you end up with people U-turning left from the right lane in front of cars moving 40 MPH. You have people stop in front of signs that say “No Stopping or Standing,” so they can drop off their children on the road (instead of pulling into the parking lot and dropping them off right in front of the building.) You get the people who see cones an panic and do all kinds of stupid stuff. Then there are those that want to stop in the left lane, right next to you to ask you where to park, while cars come screeching to a stop behind them (“try the parking lot” .) But to be fair it CAN be very confusing as some driveways are exits, others are permit only, still others are for exhibitors only and then the ones that are for paid parking tend to fill up really fast and get closed down. It frustrates the drivers who can’t get in and it frustrates us cause we have no place to put these THOUSANDS of extra cars that are left driving around and around the place till they have slots open up. That’s why whenever anyone asks me where’s the best place to park, I always say “your driveway at home.”

Well in San Antonio, some roads have what’s called a center turn lane. Houston Street by my Post has one of these. Essentially what it is, is that on multi-lane 2-directional roadways they sometimes add a center lane that people can pull into and stop to await making a left turn into a driveway or side street. This prevents drivers from coming to a stop in the left lane (aka fast lane) and await for oncoming traffic to clear before they turn, and subsequently subject themselves to the possibility of getting rear-ended. This is not a lane of travel, but simply a “Turn Lane,” hence the name. Problem is during these types of events people want to stop in them to drop people off, cause their passengers to run across the road at unsafe location, causing pedestrians to get struck and also causing open doors to get knocked clean the fuck off by passing 18-wheelers.

So I was working my Gate, directing traffic as usual. It was getting late and at this point after 2 weeks of this crap, I’m all Rodeod out. Anyone that knows me knows that once I’m tired, I’m cranky like a Mo’-Fo’. So this White Expedition comes to a stop in the center turn lane some 50 yards from me. They always do that because they figure if they park far enough away you can’t get to them in time before they drop off their passengers and drive away (So we make the passengers cross the street in the opposite direction and walk their lazy asses ALL THE WAY down to the cross walk, a nice hike away.) So I see the Expedition stop and I know he’s not going to turn because there is no place to turn, so I start blowing my whistle and motioning with my light wand (Think those things you’ve seen people direct airplanes with), for this truck to keep going. No response. I keep whistling and motioning as I walk towards the truck, still no response, and the hazard lights come on. Now I’m getting irritated cause he’s blocking the driveway for employee’s at Coca Cola to come out. More whistles, wands and walking. Angry walking. The Drivers door come open and the driver steps out. As I’m getting closer I notice the California License Plates. “Figures,” I think to myself. As the driver starts to walk balk to me, In the middle of the road, in the dark of night, in between 2 opposing fast lanes, I call out to him, “Hey Guy, even in CALIFORNIA you can’t stop in the middle of the ROAD!”

“I know,” he says, “But I’ve got to get in there!” He calls back. Well no shit, I think. As do the 85000 other people have been or currently are passing by, trying to find the 8 empty parking spaces.

As we are getting closer to each other he calls out again, “I’m working in there tonight.” For some reason that struck me as odd. I don’t know why, cause it shouldn’t have seeing as there are 1000 people working the Rodeo at any one time, but something didn’t fit. California plates, he didn’t have a stock show or AT&T uniform, no vendor badge, and he was coming in really late for something that started at 11am. (It was like 8pm). So like I said, don’t know why, but it struck me as odd, so as we continued to walk closer to each other in the dark I ask, “What?” To get a sense of what that what sounded like, say out loud to yourself, “WHAT thefuckareyoutalkingabout,” but leave off everything after What.

So, still walking towards each other he call out again, “I can’t figure out how to get in there, and I’m performing tonight, I’m CLAY WALKER.”

Ho-Lee Shit, it is Clay Walker. (For those that don’t know, http://claywalker.musiccitynetworks.com/ ) All my red-faced ass can come back with is, “Uh, Sorry, I yell at everyone…. AND-I-DIDN’T-RECOGNIZE-YOU-WITHOUT-YOUR-HAT.” How’s that for thinking quick, like molasses. I also didn’t want to mention the blonde hair. Plus he’s a little guy. I don’t know why I imagined he’d be tall, but nope. Anyway, he laughed it off and gave me a good-ole-boy hug and said no worries. I called for a rover (one of our patrol vehicles that roves around the arena) to escort him into the venue and then I proceed to work on getting my foot out my mouth. Needless to say, this was probably my last Rodeo…