A Dear John Letter
I think everybody knows something I don’t. I got a ‘Dear John’ letter today in the mail. It came from one of my Doctors. My Orthopaedic Doctor, Dr. Weissflog, M.D. And the very first line is what has me thinking I must be missing something. It read:
Dear Patient (Isn’t it nice how important I am to him…. he called me Dear). Anyway, he lovingly wrote:
Dear Patient,
It is with mixed emotions that I am announcing my relocation to Portland, Oregon effective December 1, 2008…
What the Fuck? Are they giving away money to move to Portland. Are there 42 virgins waiting for you when you get to Portland? Is weed legal and free in Portland? What?! What can it possibly be? This is like the 8th or 9th person to tell me they either want to, or are moving Portland Oregan in the last 2 years.
I must go to this land of plenty and see for myself the many splendors and wonders that awaits one in this magical world of Portland.
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